Of Vainglory and Humility

While attending one of those rare 'makan-makan' (get-together) in Delft, I was asked a funny question. Funny in tone, facial expression and response that accompanied this brief inquiry. "You're a housewife?" she asked.

The query put me on the spot, as it was abrupt. To my accustomed ears, it sounded like, for some reasons, an attempt to pigeonhole me into a certain undefinable category.

Considering it was my first time with the whole Malay group, I weakly nodded. But before I could explain further my status, the same insolent young lady, with a small upturned nose, already offered a consolation, "It's okay to be a housewife," before adding quickly "I wish I was". And yet, she is not - she's a mother of one who was finishing her Masters degree.

The condescending tone in which the verbal exchange came about left a bad aftertaste. Perhaps I was being sensitive and reading too much into things, since I was more or less still adjusting to my non-employment status. Granted, becoming a housewife, a lady of leisure, a homemaker, a domestic engineer and what-have-you has its ups and downs. A demanding toddler, squeezing in 'Me' time and the usual domestic chores to attend to.

Nonetheless, I wonder as to how she quickly came to the deduction that I was a housewife. Is it my demeanour, the way I carry myself in social gatherings? Why are some people presumptuous? This kind of people infuriate me!

In a similar vein, the skewed, I'm-better-than-you perception that one group has over another follows some of these predictable and familiar routes - academic background, academic discipline, physical traits, lineage, race, nationality, connection and social standing.

Some people with technical expertise like engineers, for instance, disdain those whose propensity primarily lie in arts and literature. To them, this set of freewheeling individuals lack the spatial-temporal reasoning to explain away truths of mathematic or scientific proportions. In other words, the aptitudes necessary to obtain the qualifications in a technical field are far more strenuous than the creative, willy-nilly process on the artistic front.

On the flip side, I've met art majors such as English who decry business majors like moi for our so-called greedy, capitalist and underhanded tactics. This classic oversimplication is much easier to chew than trying to comprehend a host of economic theories, the development of new financial instruments for the betterment of society or the balancing of portfolios in sustaining a country's growth.

That said, I must confess that I too am guilty for overgeneralising the different facets of humanly attributes. But why do we still do it? What are our rudimentary motivations?

Needless to say, there are many underlying causes. First, it reaffirms our superior position vis-à-vis other hapless (or in some cases, non-technical) individuals. Put differently, it sets us apart for being gifted and specialised in our respective fields. Second, it makes us feel good about ourselves, at the expense of belittling those 'lesser humanbeings'. Third, our own inferiority complex induces us to find any spectre of weakness in those whom we perceive as a threat in our 'comfort zone'. Lastly, it reinforces the idea of socially disparate groups that in turn hampers any possibility of mutual respect and understanding.

Though such cliquishness is probably borne out by a natural human reaction, how do we remedy such an innate human condition? Or more accurately, how do we prevent a repeat of these overbearing incidences? Can it be done?

Unless a person realises her haughty ways, there would be no room for personal improvement. When a revelation does however arrive on your doorsteps, you could either embrace it or dismiss its existence. If you opt the former, you'll find yourself being kinder to people, regardless of their 'designated' social status, level of intelligence, number of credentials or nationality, for that matter. Conversely, if denial is your choice, you'll soon notice that people slowly and gradually alienate you, for reasons unknown even to your ostensibly highly-evolved persona.

So, the next timeyou get the urge to condescend others for their imperfections, take a look at yourself first and reflect inwardly, "Nothing of material lasts forever, including your health, wealth, looks or intelligence. Fate can intervene and snatch your security blanket. Shed your arrogance off and appreciate instead the timeless quality of unconditional love and unquestionable faith."

As for the aforementioned 'domestic' incident, I admit it somehow touched a raw nerve and confirmed my suspicion on the negative connotation that people continue to hold with respect to stay-at-home moms. True, being a full-time mother can be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting, but the end results far outweigh the many obstacle courses involved. (And no one should ever in his lifetime forget that!)

Likewise, when we indulge in less judgment calls and more fair treatments, we are able to espouse the diversity and uniqueness of our fellow mankind. And peace will finally return to the land.....