Excogitation to Masticate

Physical and mental exhaustion seems to be more pronounced these past few days, for a number of reasons.

One, Sadia is down with a flu since Sunday night and has been ever so tantrumy and clingy. And of course, she refused to eat her usual favourite food, much to our worry. We plan to see the doctor tomorrow, which hopefully will aid in clearing her throat and subsequently increasing her appetite.

Two, ever since hubby finished his thesis and its defense, we've been train-hopping to favourite haunts, both in Den Haag and Rotterdam. Amsterdam is next on the agenda, provided Sadia's health improves. But from the looks of it, Amsterdam jaunt might be deferred until next week, God willing.

Three, I'm getting OLD.

I mean, gone are the days of walking aimlessly during lunch time in areas of Kotaraya, Central Market or Jalan TAR. Or lining up from one roller coaster ride to another thrilling escapade in Six Flags. Or scouring mall after mall for the perfect skirt or shirt or work jacket.

Nowadays, it is probably wise to take some health supplements i.e., vitamins which I have been neglected to incorporate into my daily roster, for as long as the time in college. Sure, I tried to make a mental note to ingest these 'physical boosters' but unfortunately, my initial resolve gave way to procrastination which conveniently morphed into forgetfulness.

(By the by, that one bottle evening primrose oil which I had brought all the way from Malaysia is nesting in its own cloud of dust on top of the wardrobe)

Where was I? Talk about memory loss.

Oh yes, aging. Not that I really mind this natural degeneration of one's body, but the decline in energy level is one element that needs some getting used to. This malaise was exacerbated by the late nights that I (well, hubby too) am frequently relegated to due to Sadia's refusal to sleep early ever since she fell sick. Also, this is by default the only ME time that I can solely devote to blogging (or writing if you can call that) and Net-surfing.

Speaking of personal time, I should probably go out and get that long-postponed haircut whilst hubby holds the fort and its cheeky captive. But seriously, I do crave for some semblance of quietude to compose and collect my jumbled thoughts.

And yet, the thought of leaving my baby at home to do my own bidding set off a feeling of compunction over my seemingly self-centred attitude. Call it separation anxiety on my part, so emotionally attached that I have never been so far away from Sadia from the time she was born. The only time was when I went to get a haircut (deja vu?) with my twin sister in The Curve. Luckily my parents' house is less than 10 minutes drive from the place! I must learn to schedule in Me time without a morass of guilt whatsoever.

Now with the departure date to Malaysia is looming, I must come to grips with the reality that a new job calls for a cold-turkey detachment from Sadia and the maternal duties involved. Whenever I imagine her in the care of another - doing the things that we do like bathing her, feeding her or roughhousing with her - my heart goes wobbly. Oh my! What am I to do?

Anyone has a lucrative job offer for which I can work via the computer/telephone from home? Any takers?

No? In that case, cold turkey it is...coupled with some wholesome vitamins to rejuvenate me as I haul my legs out of the apartment for that regular (uurgghh!) morning commute.....