Lessons Learnt

This hilarious piece from NYT's departing Paris Bureau chief is such a gem that I feel compelled to share it with the world. Well, at least, the part of the world who haven't read it.

For me, the article offers the finer points on living Paris the Parisian chic way. I've always dreamt of living in Paris at some point in my life, or at the very least retire there with my husband. It would be a great city to venture on foot and loll around in cafes watching the world passes me by. Ahh, just the sheer thought of doing absolutely nothing is making me warm and fuzzies inside.

Oh, where was I? Ahh yes, the chief's eight-point lessons on living in Paris for five-and-a half years both reinforces some personal viewpoints on Parisians (they're fashion-forward and -conscious) and cautions me against any glaring faux pas that I might inadevertently commit (never to say bon appetit before digging into your food).

One interesting highlight would be Lesson Number 2 which can be summed in the following sentence:

It has long been common practice for journalists in France to allow their interview subjects to edit their words. “Read and corrected,” the system is called.

This 'modifying' practice is so widespread within the French news media that it feels as if it is almost de rigueur. To illustrate further, she wrote:

I once took part in an interview with Jacques Chirac, when he was president, in which he said it would not be all that dangerous for Iran to have a nuclear weapon or two. That certainly was not French policy. So the official Élysée Palace transcript left out the line and replaced it with this: “I do not see what type of scenario could justify Iran’s recourse to an atomic bomb.”

I wouldn't have thought and expected such system to be deemed acceptable in an industrialised, developed country. I wonder if the 'Malaysian way' as lamented by Ms Nuraina Samad is another form of doctoring tacitly supported by the mainstream media.

That aside, this particular write-up on lessons learnt inspires me to jot down something along similar lines. But in my case, I won't be focusing on the lessons specifically picked up in a foreign country. Rather, I'm opting for a broader picture that encapsulates my life in general.

So without further ado, here are some personal lessons that I've amassed in my short 30-something years:

1. Burnt bridges can never be salvaged - No matter how hard you try to make amends for those unkind remarks or secrets carelessly spurted out, you cannot change someone's made-up mind about you. So why waste your breath and effort on something that is irreparable, when you could be happy with the friends who really care and use the space to make new friends. Some friendships run their course. Others require a total closure in order to detoxify your system. Such is life that when a relationship has gone irreversibly soured, we just have to go with the flow and move on.



2. Always make sure you speak out apropos - At times, I feel like the Ms. Kathleen Kelly character in the wonderfully witty romantic comedy, You've Got Mail, who has a fear of speaking her mind out at exactly the right time when she really needs it. When someone evil like the misunderstood Mr. Joe Fox hurled some caustic remarks, she wishes she has the gumption to give them a taste of their own medicine. Out of misplaced civility, I cower from the very act of putting someone in his place. Once, a certain someone told me I looked haggard in comparison to a spruced-up looking hubby sitting beside me. Taken mostly by surprise, I didn't get the chance to say what exactly I felt. Moreover, she was much older than me that I foolishly decided to let it pass. But then again, she has always been blunt about my appearance in the past and I had never ever said anything badly about her 'atypical' size. Next time, I'd be sure to unleash my sharp tongue!



3. It's no use arguing with a broken record - When someone maintains that she or he is right and won't in any probability move from that hallowed position, there's nothing you can do to alter the person's perception. While I've been called self-righteous and told to get off my high horse, I believe in listening to the other person's point of view before wrapping up my own conclusions. There is always two sides to a story. Naturally, arguments would ensue but as long as you agree to disagree, there's no reason to NOT coexist in harmony. Perhaps, I'm being naive, no?



4. Flattery can only go so far - It's always nice to hear the compliments that come your way. It feels like you're basking in the glory of your triumph. An all-time high. Their approbation seems to validate your worth as an individual. But when the chips are down, you need to know you can count on these people who had earlier showered you with praises. If the answer is unfavourable, you can now discern who your true friends are and where their loyalty lies.



5. Forgive and forget is an art form - Whoever invented that idiomatic expression must be either a hopeless romantic or a clueless simpleton. And this person is also alien to the concept that not all wounds can be healed with time. Emotional wounds cut to the core of our being. It slices and dices our psyche that we emerge out of it a completely different person. Our perception of reality will be affected by a heartbreaking event, a slew of hurtful comments, an unfair action and so forth. We need time to readjust, recover and possibly forgive ourselves for letting those mood killers get to us. Forgetting it? That's a bit of a stretch, I think.



6. Bitterness is a poison that you swallow hoping that the other person will die - While you might feel downtrodden due to the so-called injustice inflicted on you, you must make sure that such a bitter feeling won't get the best of you. It's fine and good to whinge about it for a while. But to pull other people down as you wallow in self-pity is unforgivable as well as selfish. Of course, it's easier said than done to not be bitter and twisted about the past. Once you follow the path of bitterness, you'd unconsciously drag down anyone who is remotely happier than you. Noone would want to be near a sourpuss.



7. Happiness is a state of mind - Only you yourself can decide if you want to be happy. Not deliriously so; just contented and satisfied with your lot. It's not the clothes you wear (but they can help :) ), nor the number of academic scrolls you've attained, and it ain't the money you've in the bank either. It's just happy with the way you are, the state you are in, and coming to terms with your own 'imperfections' and limitations. You can't be expected to do everything and help everyone. Once you've come to that realisation, you will be on the road to constant self-improvement.

There you go. Seven lessons that life has taught me so far. The path that God has charted out for me might be unknowable, but I'm still excited and faithful all the same.


Image filched from here.