The (Not So) Wonderful World of Instant Messaging (IM)

“Are you alone at home now?” the IM message popped up on our laptop screen in the living room. After inquiring whether my husband is of Dutch nationality, and then if he is now at home with me, he proceeded to ask this odd question. In a true Tita candid fashion, I shot back “Why do you want to know that? That’s strange.”

“Coz I’m alone too” he unabashedly declared.

Following that creepy statement, I lost interest in replying to the stranger.

Ever since I put my profile photo up on the Yahoo Messenger Profile page, random people have been IM-ing me. I can roughly say so far half of them are innocuous while the other half veer towards the offensive. Also, they are mostly Europe-based, save for one girl (I think it was female due to her expressive style of writing) from Nigeria. Also, I attribute the European-oriented messengers plausibly to my stating Delft as the de facto current location.

As an aside, the photo in question comprised my husband, Sadia and me, and in the profile section for marital status I emphatically wrote ‘Married.’

Once, a person introduced himself by asking rhetorically “Want to see an Irish man naked?” and another box came on screen as an invitation to view his webcam. At least it was rhetorical ONLY to me since he persisted on the subject. “C’mon, take a look.” Yikes!

Of course, when these kinds of funny messages popped out, my husband and I would engage in comebacks and repartees that meant to detract potential flashers. More often than not, however, they are quite insistent and would not budge from their filthy-minded posturing. When that happens, we usually log off.

Unfortunately, we fell prey to one obscene display after wrongly deducing the person’s character from his series of ‘normal-looking’ photographs on IM profile page! Bbbblleeeeccchh! Yes, you can optionally check another chatter’s profile if you are curious of his background or want to be on the ‘safe side.’ We clicked on ‘View Webcam’ to take a gander and were greeted instead by, euphemistically-speaking, some ‘organic material.’ On hindsight, the flasher did have a mischievous yet randy smile in all of his poses on the profile page. Lesson learnt – never ever accept an invitation to watch a stranger’s website!

What a nightmare! Right after exposing myself to such vulgarity, I quickly changed the photo on Yahoo Messenger profile to that of Sadia. That would ward off unpleasant people. Or so I thought.

Which brings me to the latest online incident last Sunday when an unknown man wanting to confirm my solitary domestic status. He informed that he is married but his wife was away at work at the time of IM-ing. He also revealed that he came upon my Profile page after I asked him how he knew I was married.

Probably he wanted to chat with other people, albeit strangers, when the missus was out of his sight. But why perfect strangers? Why not people that he knows in real life? Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of friends and/or is lonely. But why chose a married person to talk to? Granted, he might be chatting to different persons at the same time he chatted me up.

Naturally, my husband was around when this online correspondence took place. There was nothing to hide. I am not the sort of person to conceal matters of a prosaic nature.

Nor am I the kind of wife who will chat online with total strangers behind my husband’s back. Staying faithful is one thing but skulking into the lives of the opposite sex for attention or ‘an instantaneous outlet’ leans towards a perfidious act. At least that’s what written in my book on conjugal conduct. Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned sort but I believe an honest communication of what’s going down will save the trouble of headaches, mistrust or worst of all, heartaches.

I am both bamboozled and intrigued as to the reason(s) why people want to make contact with some stranger in online chatrooms, all the while knowing the necessary risks involved in such an enterprise. Before people misconstrue my stance as that of an anti-social, let me qualify that I am game for getting to know new people. The gamble a person willing to impose on herself when she said Hello on an IM screen – delving into the unknown – is an esoteric pursuit only few could fathom.

I take exception however to introducing yourself or commenting on other people’s blog. Blogs subsist on repeat visits and comments in order to promote your site to the WORLD (how that is entirely possible, I’ve yet to find out). Hence, the dichotomy between online chats and blogs exists owing to the manner in which people behave and operate whilst visiting a chatroom and maintaining a blogsite respectively. Unless you have a blogsite to give credence to your ‘cyber handle’ in online messaging, you have to take it on faith that the person whom you are chatting with is the real McCoy.

Having said that, I must also give people the benefit of the doubt and salute them for coming out to foreigners while IM-ing. Except for the blogging realm, I won’t be able to summon enough courage to do the same. In the case of the man who IMed me last Sunday, he might possess an inherent need to ‘connect’ with other people through the means of online chatting. Some people live and crave for that kind of connection. After all, isn’t it a part of our primordial urges – a mode of survival, if you may – to reach out to other human beings?