Knee-deep in pain

I have not been well for close to two weeks now. It is not so much that I've been in denial about this ailment, but more because I was trying my best not to let it get to me.

I had thought by doing so the pain would slowly dissipate.

But in this particular case of mind over matter, I had been proven wrong. It hasn't got any better.

Two Saturdays ago, we stopped for our customary mall jaunt in The Gardens following a lunch date at my parents' place. Sadia was sleeping on my lap at the back seat of the car when the car pulled into a spot in the basement parking. As I wiggled my way out of the seat while holding onto a sleeping toddler, something snapped inside my right knee. Dismissing it as just another muscle twist, I went out and walked towards the carpark's entrance.

My walk however slowed and came to a complete stop as soon as I reached inside of the automatic door. I practically screamed for my husband who had already walked ahead with the empty buggy when any further movement proved to be excruciating. I was writhing in pain.

We usually walk fast in any crowded areas such as this carpark's ticket payment booth in order to avoid Sadia from waking up. Luckily Sadia didn't stir when I hollered for hubby.

I asked him to carry Sadia instead as I tried to regain my footing, so to speak. The pain crept down from the right knee to the foot, thus causing me to hold my breath. We decided to forgo eating in Chilis which was farther away from our parking spot near to the Cold Storage supermarket and sat down at Italiannies instead.

The pain subsided for a bit when we sat down to eat but resumed as soon as we started walking toward Borders, the bookstore. And the crunch (pun intended) came when I proceeded to sit on the floor with Sadia for this interactive kid song-and-dance demo. I couldn't make a slightest move without grimacing in pain. I couldn't even come to a standing position when Sadia bawled her eyes out when the super-chirpy lady asked all the kids to scream. Fortunately, Yayah came to the rescue. It took me quite a while to bring myself up.

We stopped by the neighbourhood clinic on the way back home to Ampang. The familiar loudmouthed doctor had the gall to suggest losing weight as the solution to my knee pain. He attributed it to being overweight for this unexpected pang. I was more disturbed that he came to this conclusion only after I told him what had transpired and before physically checking my knee.

I admit that my weight has gone up considerably, but I wouldn't say that it is a gross increase. After debating with him about the BMI calculation, I shot back "Aren't you also overweight then?" He readily admitted to this obvious fact and that he's constantly using a muscle relaxant to combat his back and leg problems. He offered me the same, along with some painkillers.

The next day my hubby left for Saigon on official business while Sadia and I moved into my parents' place. I had thought the pain would go away on its own. After weighing the truth of the doctor's prognosis, I decided to perform some mild exercises - walking up and down the stairs several times. As it turned out, the pain became worse.

Subsequently, my mom thought that it must be some angin or loose wind trapped inside my knee cap and asked me to use her hand-held electronic massager to rid my knee of angin. Desperate for any quick fixes, I utilised the machine. Yet, I didn't feel any better. On the contrary, the knee area throbbed and turned swollen. So much for self-diagnosis and home remedy!

When hubby came home on the previous week's Wednesday, we dropped by the swanky clinic in KLCC for a different opinion. I was given some herb capsules and a gauze bandage to wrap the fragile knee in place. All the walking that I'd done only caused the pain to be more severe. The pain travelled up to my right buttock and down to the sole of my right feet.

We even went to the KLCC clinic again on Saturday morning with the possibility of getting my right leg x-rayed. However, the doctor didn't feel the need to do so since my knee wasn't crackling like a typical arthritic condition. If the same doctor that I'd seen were on duty that day, she would have administered the x-ray.

I feel sorry for my left leg having to bear the burden as the right side continues to be in state of suspension. By the by, a more 'feasible' explanation for this sudden spasm of pain is that I always carry Sadia using my left hand. (Turns out, I'm left-handed by nature, but that's another story) In other words, the transference of extra weight on the left side of my body 'carried' a physical toll on my right side as it tried in vain to find a point of equilibrium.

Last Tuesday serves as a final straw for me when walking turned cumbersome and laborious after I drove from Ampang to Kota Damansara to let Sadia play with her cousins. With a clingy toddler who 'prefers' to be carried around as and when she needs reassurance, I can't afford to lose my mobility. However, Sadia has somewhat grasped the gravity of the situation. 'Mama sakit knee' she would remark and asked for Yayah to carry her.

This persistent pain is by turns draining my strength and inducing me to cry. Now and then, I reminded myself that others have suffered worse ordeals and I should be thankful for whatever I have. In the midst of this self-inflicted misery, I came to the knowledge that a fellow Facebooker and a former Primary (Elementary) School friend passed away the previous week's Tuesday in a car accident and left behind two daughters and a husband (Please see here for details). That in itself kept me grounded and jolted me into a realisation that life is far too short to mope around.

So last night, as a final attempt to get a move on with my life, I pleaded for a reference letter to see an orthopedic specialist from the same neighbourhood clinic . Since the beguiled doctor on duty couldn't accurately diagnose me ( I didn't have any fever so it couldn't be septic arthritis, he said), he assented to my request.

We will see how things pan out from thereon. In the meantime, let's hope and pray I get well soon.