The Halo Effect

Almost everyone is inclined to believe that first impression matters a whole lot.

It's only human to fall into this sweeping generalisation. To be impressed on the first encounter calls for the crucial 3Ps - personality, physical beauty and that inimitable pizzazz.

Studies even show that people initially look at a person's attractiveness, even before considering her or his other traits, no matter how commendable or abominable they may be.

This Halo Effect - where our attractive quotient will explain away our other undesirable attributes - is especially important during interviews which require us to project our best possible selves to the prospective employer.

Once an impression is imprinted into another's mind, a sequence of expectations will take place with respect to the 'first trait' that stands out to said observer. For instance, a seemingly loquacious individual is expected to be at the forefront of social events and actively involved in public speaking initiatives. However, the person that we'd projected during an interview oftentimes falls short of the one we happen to be in real life. Ahh, the challenge of recruitment.

Of course, like beauty, attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder. Come to think of it, (physical) beauty should be subsumed under the attractiveness category. Some people focus on the physical aspect of attraction, while others are attracted to one's comportment - the way one carries oneself which includes the clothes one chose to wear, body language, and superficial accents like accessories, make-ups and social connections. In some cases however, a larger-than-life personality pounces on you and trumps all the other more deserving qualities like, let's say, intelligence. Even so, what is one man's meat is another man's poison.

What's with this fixation with the Halo Effect, you might ask? Well, I'm just intrigued by the way people become easily swayed by the power of first impression and the consequences that follow from such an 'act.' Particularly, when it comes to making friends.

Since friends are supposed to stick by you through thick and thin, you have to weed out those who do not subscribe to the same philosophy. Those who run out the door as soon as the (emotional) alarm begins to ring. Those who would rather hover at the fringes of your life lest they have to defend your credibility. Such people exist, I'm afraid.

I, for one, was a sucker for those who are nice to me in any conceivable way. Experience has thought me that most often than not, they have a hidden agenda in mind. While I relished the attention that was given to me, I also imagined that we'd become the best of friends. When that person betrayed my trust for his or her career move for instance, I was beyond devastated. I'd drown myself in self-pity and wondered why did such an excruciating thing happen to me.

As a result, nowadays I am wary of the charade of niceties that assaults my senses. This in turn has transformed me to a person I loathe - prejudging others or second-guessing myself based on a person's treatment of me. Bitterness will only sour the flavours of an abundant life.

Someone wise once told me that it matters not whether this person is sincere or not, what's more important is that you are (sincere) and the rest is between this person and his Maker. How true. I always believe what goes around comes around.

Instead of harbouring possible ill thoughts towards those who approach me in friendship, I should just savour the rich tapestry of these relationships and take it one step at a time.

As for the Halo Effect that a person inadvertently emanates, with many years of experience behind me, I can rely on my gut instinct to plot the path to a better place where friendships are concerned.

What I've learned is that in the course of knowing a friend, always make sure that your expectations are reasonable and less than idealistic. That way, you won't be too disappointed if the new friend's oddities skew from your perception.

Making new friends are hard, especially at this age of mine.

Maintaining great friends that one has is even harder, I would think.

For now, I'm blessed with the ones I have or in the midst of having.