Birth of the Incorrigible Twins

Two days ago was my birthday.

Mine and that of my twin sister. We have already passed the 30th year mark.

My sister and I used to be quite close. Then, we both got married. Well, she got hitched first, followed by me two years later. And by the same token, she got pregnant and had a tyke first.

We didn't become close until we both went overseas to study. The old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" plays a role here.

I could recall the closeness and intimacy we had even to this day. Sometimes, it is so clear like the bluest of skies. On other (bad) days, it is hazy like a cloudy day. Sadly, rites of passage have drifted us apart. That, on top of other misunderstandings and petty squabbles.

Prior to our overseas studies, we went to the same residential school for our Form Four and Form Five classes (equivalent to 11th and 12th grade in the States).

Apart from being in the same class, we even shared the same dormitory room during Form Five. With all that close proximity, one would assume we were close. We were. But not as much as from the point when we parted ways. I don't know how she felt but in my case, I took her for granted whenever she was around. People tend to do that when their loved ones are within reach. They would pick fights with them and disregard their existence whenever the opportunities arise.

When I went to the States to further my studies, I came to a realisation that I do miss her. Throughout our stay overseas (she was in United Kingdom), we learned to be more forthcoming about our feelings toward one another. We managed to say that we miss one another. Previously, no such exchange of emotions was possible.

Such affection should in fact be instinctual - after all, we did share the same womb together!

But such display of affection is not so 'big' with my family members. We only show physical affection during religious festivities, and other rare events like bon voyage, homecoming or weddings.

I think Asians in general are disinclined and not accustomed to show their affections in an outward, physical fashion. We were not brought up in such culture.

Back to my sibling tale, rites of passage like boyfriends-turn-husbands, marriage, getting pregnant and giving birth change our priorities in life.

I felt a tad bit left out when she tied the knot and was struggling with my own separation issue. Things like going out together were few and far between in the beginning.

In the midst of this adjustment, a blissful 'reunion' with my (now) husband took place. Like any other couples in love, I was engrossed in my own amorous affair to impose myself on her married life.

But her husband's erratic work schedule (back when they first got married) and her first pregnancy played a hand in rendering my usefulness and active involvement in her life again.

However, unlike before, there would always be the husband factor coming into the equation whenever a decision needed to be made.

It's only natural and something I've come to accept now that I myself am married.

However, there are more than meet the eyes. From my wedding date onwards, other intermingling events in our lives have also not been in our favour. Misunderstandings ensued. More often than not, they were over trivial matters that, in my opinion, encapsulate a different level of unresolved issues.

Perhaps, it is misplaced anger, a resentment over a past issue or an unconscious neglect over the nuances of the other party's feelings.

Over time, they accumulate. For my part, being a hypersensitive soul (and more so during pregnancy), I often reacted prematurely or turned belligerent to those perceived unkind remarks and inconsiderate actions.

Sometimes, I wonder if the passage of time has made us more susceptible to people's words and actions especially those that come from our loved ones.

Do we need to come to the point where we are inured by the ones we love? Isn't that a sad juxtaposition? Love and inure?

It should not and could not be that way. We must always be fond and cheerful of the ones we care about. Ideally, that is. But then again, people, more so family, are not perfect.

Alas, like the saying goes, "Blood is thicker than water."

I always believe, despite the encumbrances of treading over my family's idiosyncracies, they will always be there to support and help me in my times of need.

And when the day turns foggy, I will cast my melancholy away and look forward for the rainbow to come out on a clear blue, sunny day.