Hartelijk Gefeliciteerd! *

From left: Nina and me (I think ;) )

It’s that time of the year again. No, it’s not Christmas, nor is it the New Year’s Eve.

Clueless still? It coincides with Winter Solstice, at least that’s what I told my would-be husband back then as a useful tip on how to remember my birthday. Oops, the cat is out of the bag. Hah!

Who am I fooling? It has been out ever since I unabashedly dropped hints here and there about the momentous occasion.

30-odd years ago, in the capital of Kelantan (a state in the East Coast of Malaysia), a set of (almost) bald twins entered the world five minutes apart from one another. The time was close to 7pm when the other half finally slid out of the canal. And that would be me. Hehe.

In the Malay tradition, it is commonly believed that the last one to exit the womb is actually the OLDER sister as she had kindly let the younger sister to go out first. I fervidly wish this is true, but I can bet that most people would agree I have the temperament of the younger one. Double hehe.

Also, according to my birth account, I was a songsang, or breech baby, which traditionally means I am endowed with magic fingers, at least as far as massaging is concerned. I want to believe this is real too and earn a profit on my tactile gift, not merely a ploy to massage relatives free of charge based on this non-scientific fact alone. Yet, I can vouch that some people, without even trying hard, make much better masseurs compared to my untrained hands.

Speaking of endowment, my twin sister is always known as the calm and collected half, whereas I am the klutz and scatterbrained one. My mother recalled that back in the primary school days, my twin always insisted her school’s shoelaces to be evenly tied by the former before she even dared stepping on school ground. As for me, I couldn’t care less about those details that clearly explains my relatively unkempt appearance. Even our penmanship – hers neat, mine illegible - gives us away. ;)

These outward differences stretched and expanded, literally and figuratively, into the secondary school (or high school) with me growing larger and geekier than her. I admit that I got jealous when she received the attention of some interesting people (well, at least they were interesting through my shallow, adolescent eyes), significant of which was a senior girl who took her as ‘adik angkat.’ The bespectacled, serious-looking me didn’t have any ‘kakak angkat’, nor did anyone want to be my ‘adik angkat’ and I felt terribly left out. (Well, Kak Muna was sort of a pseudo-Kakak Angkat but that’s another story).

But looking back, all this Kakak Angkat-Adik Angkat business, at least from my observation in boarding school, have more to do with popularity contest amongst my peers as opposed to genuine interest to develop real meaningful friendships. I could easily say that I’m bitter but to tell you the truth I have nurtured some friendships with people of varying ages post-secondary school, and we have been friends ever since. And the age gap has never been a problem as we’re mostly on the same wavelength, save for the occasional spats.

To my twin sister, I still carry that idealistic excesses that at times border infuriatingly on the naiveté. I am disinclined to think otherwise because as much like a leopard that can in no way change his spots, my gullibility has already become a second nature. I couldn’t rid myself of it despite my desire to see the world through a pair of more realistic lenses. That way, it wouldn’t hurt so much when the incongruities of life get to me.

Notwithstanding my seeming innocence, the two of us have always been, on some levels, a protector of one another, on issues ranging from education, health, friendship, money, marriage, to career. I still remember the time she treated me to a trip in Kota Kinabalu as our final getaway before she officially became someone else’s other half. Those carefree, light days invariably bring a smile to my face and remind me of what’s important in life.

As for our legendary series of fights, squabbles, miscommunications and everything in between, it is truly heartening, not to mention surprising, that we could look past all that and continually reinvent our relationship across numerous rites of passage. I could choose to harbor resentment for some of the angry words hurled at me (and vice-versa), but somehow the passage of time has softened the blow and deepened my longing to spend quality time with her.

My twin sister, Nina is a best friend that I could ever ask for. Come to think of it, she is my ONLY best friend – two words that I’d never lightly use. For someone who has two sisters her age and another sister two years junior, the need to crown somebody else as a best friend rarely crosses my mind. My other sisters would quickly beg to differ, I’m sure, citing the usual suspects of entrusting a third party with personal secrets, safekeeping one’s privacy and voicing age-specific concerns.

Breakfast time! Nina, Kak Long, me and Dikya

Few cherished close friends I may have but none singled out as the quintessential best friend just going by the route of certain indiscriminate criteria. Outside the family, the one person closely resembles a best friend is none other than my husband which must be one of the reasons why I wanted him as a life partner. So, my two best friends please play nice. :)

While my sister and I may not live under the same roof anymore, or hang out as often, my intuition tells me that we would always be there for each other for as long as there is a sky above our heads. Therefore, for my thirty-(cough) birthday, I’d like to acquit myself from harping on the past which can never be undone. Let’s accentuate on our positives, dear sister, for that’s what we Sadges do best!

Last but not least, in chronological order for the next four days, happy birthday today to cousin Lindsey in London, a Eid-ul-Adha Mubarak to fellow Muslims, a VERY happy birthday to me and twin, and happy birthday to cousin Arif in Sungai Buloh.

*That's Happy Birthday greeting in Dutch.

p.s. A Big Thank-You goes to Auntie Bae for the scanned photos!
p.p.s. For Birthday comics, please click here.

Pay It Forward

If you have the power, the money, the connection, the wherewithal to help someone in dire straits, would you come on board and offer your assistance, no questions asked?

And how delighted would you feel to know that this timely relief has significantly lifted the burden off the hapless person. 'Praise be to God, you have saved the day!' exclaimed the ones down on their luck.

That's what crossed my mind when I received news that intervention of the highest order was executed at the eleventh hour. For the sake of those involved, I'm careful not to disclose any details and I hope those in the know would exercise similar discretion.

What I would like to concentrate on is the miraculous gesture that this Godsent person has kindly channeled to those in need. Given the magnitude of risks, he or she could have just backed out, refused to take part in the person's misery and scooted away. But he or she assented, with the usual practical conditions attached which in turn gave enough room for the unfortunate other to regroup his strategy.

Since this display of magnanimity sprang upon them without a previous quid-pro-quo arrangement, I believe the most commendable way to show one's gratitude is to pay it forward. Pay what? you ask. It is a sociological concept whereby one repays a person's debt or kind gesture by helping a third party, instead of paying it back to the first party.

In my particular case however, the debtor will eventually have to pay back whatever he owes the creditor. My point is that in the interim those affected and gained by the succor should pay forward to a third party, by dispensing their energy, money, advice and so forth.

My mother, for instance, is a proponent of this Pay It Forward philosophy, or rather her version of it. In its primordial form, she reckons it all come down to rezeki, or loosely translated as bounty, tangible or otherwise.

The good deeds that you've done would somehow be rewarded in the most unexpected manner, or when you least expect it. Good karma begets good karma, I'd say. :)

For Mama, making sure that everyone at home has enough to eat or becoming an exemplary hostess to her slew of visitors is a matter of paramount order. She attends to them to the best of her ability, even though she might have to scrape together the last of her rations. Despite the fact the person(s) she feted might be someone whom has been unpleasant to her, she couldn't bear to eat if the other person is not being nourished as well. It's in my mother's nature. To her folly or her benefit? You be the judge.

As I was saying, everyone must practice paying it forward because we can never know when you ever need that crucial aid to crutch your affliction. This chain reaction of unconditional acts is very beneficial in the long run as it not only promotes a healthy self-image for the payer, but also fosters a caring, indispensable network of payees.

So what else are you waiting for?

Three Birthdays at Once

Going to be a busy week until the weekend, due to distractions on the home ground, so to speak. For now, here are photos that took place last Saturday for the belated birthday celebration of my two nieces - Elisa and Zahra - and nephew, Zaris. Elisa and Zaris are early December-born while Zahra was born somewhere mid-October.

As accustomed, the gathering was held at my Grandma's in Kampung Bahru where we also welcome home my cousin, Adam who arrived from the UK earlier in the morning. (His parents were to arrive the next morning).

The wholesome spread, cakes and ice-cream made for a lively get-together. My little brother even brought a new someone special to the do, much to my family's surprise. This was the first time she was introduced to us. I hope she wasn't overwhelmed by the hullabaloo that defines almost all the Do's taking place in Kampung Bharu. :)

Sadia got a bit antsy however, due to the lack of sleep and preferred to cling to either one of her parents. She even refused to join in singing the birthday song.

The birthday kids were contented with their piles of pressies, consisting mostly of clothes and a sprinkling of toys.

Speaking of birthdays, I'm glad to know that a special momentous one will occur near to Raya Haji. :)

Elisa, Alya and Zaris

The loquacious Zahra

Get ready to blow the candles!

My gregarious cousins - (top) Nani and Ya; (bottom) Wawa and Mimah

Sofia in the background while Elisa was busy unwrapping presents

All mine!

Cousins Ameir and Aka checking out the toys with Zahra and Sofia

Feeding Sadia one of the birthday cakes (don't mind the ice-cream stain)

Rub-a-dub-dub Right, Rub-a-dub-dub Wrong

Do you ever have that feeling that you just don't like someone solely based on your interaction(s) with that person? I mean, for some reason or another, this person just rubs you the wrong way?

You initially thought it was an one-off feeling - that probably you were having a bad day and consequently issued a bad judgment call on that person. Or you felt you're being hard on that person and should cut him or her some slack. However, upon repeated encounters and/or exposures to that particular someone you are certain that it's not just a coincidence that your defense mechanism goes up whenever the person is within your radar.

Do you believe that a person simply rubs you the wrong way, figuratively speaking? Regardless of how popular he or she is with the others, how your friends seem to get along well with him or her, or how good he or she is at something, this person just grates you so no matter what.

Well, as you can as much guess, I fervently believe in such a circumstance.

Granted, one does not expect that everyone to like him or her all of the time. Yet, while it might appear inconceivable that a person might not like you, disliking you ALL of the time clearly demonstrates the inherent existence of bad blood.

Don't be despair though. Most of the times, I think the feelings that the two affected parties are harbouring are completely mutual. There is no use fighting it because, like it or not, there seem to be inexplicable, higher forces at work which induce one to repel the other.

Save for the clueless few, I am positive that nearly everyone has his or her share of being rubbed the wrong way. Below are some of my hallmark moments:

1. I am sadly aversive to moody people. I know, I know - I shouldn't take it to heart when another is having a bad day, a headache and all the (im)possible permutations. But it's another thing when you have to tiptoe around their moodswings lest you should say something hurtful. Let me correct that, something that is construed as hurtful to the other (moody) person.
   
   This situation is annoying especially when you haven't met the other person for some time and wanted to catch up with him or her. Another correction: you unwittingly agreed, for old time's sake, to catch up with this person since another nice friend invited you to come along in the first place. Try as you may to be yourself, you can't help it that you almost always catch the person when she or he is in a funk. Your attempt to lighten up the moment is invariably doused by either a curt one-liner or a furrowed forehead which follows by a sour countenance. I'd gladly be some place else than to entertain the erratic behaviour of someone who doesn't appreciate my company in the first place.
   
   Perhaps, it is written in the stars. You can't get along with so-and-so. So why continue to subject yourself to this abuse?



2. Another pet peeve is one-upmanship. You know the practice by which you like to outdo another person whom you perceive in some ambiguous way, a rival. Whilst the competitive field might vary, the method of 'showing off' is similar and familiar.
   
   For instance, when you are talking about a planned vacation to another person, she would somehow manage to disrupt your train of thought and end up talking about her seemingly more glamorous holiday plan. Usually this person would deride your choices and proclaim hers - whatever it may be - to be the best or wisest option.
   
   You possibly get my drift - all the things you would want to share would be either brushed aside for her more fantastic tales or ridiculed for appearing/coming below par to her supposedly exquisite taste. The truth is she is not sincerely interested in your life. She is just waiting for the opportune time to show off her 'assets' and vindicate her worth whenever such an occasion arises. It is all about her, you see.
   
   These kind of people revel in their upmanship prowess, so much so it is a sport to them. Under a different category, they are a self-absorbed lot who thrive on the gullible few whom can feed their ego.



3. Lastly, an attitude that gets my goat is none other than a Mr/Ms-Know-It-All. Occasionally with a dash of Holier-than-thou persona thrown in. You know the type of person who proudly announces his number of years of experience in a specific field, a method which he hopes, among others, to strike fear in the heart of his enemies, known or otherwise. Also, he is confident that this proclamation alone would impede a noble novice from questioning and undermining his authority. He would prefer to rest on his laurels than have anyone engage him in a lively discussion which most probably discloses the fraud that he is.
   
   A variant of this kind features those 'I-have-seen-and-travelled-the-world-and-know-how-people-work-so-just-shut-up-and-listen-to-my-gospel-truth' who refuse to hear the other's side of the story. They relish in shooting you down, no matter what your argument is because they apparently know better than the rest of less exposed/cultured folks. For all they know, the different perspective the other offered can be both refreshing and enriching to their so-called eclectic set of experiences.

On the flip side, it can be argued that noone is perfect and one has to delicately work around this fact. For one, I might possess a few traits that might cheese people off on any given day. Take your pick - I can at times be blunt, brazen, needy, whiny or paranoid. Or worse yet, what if I am be perceived to exhibit the above three characteristics?!

Imperfections aside, if a person proves, time and again, to be an anathema to the very air you breathe, it is best for your mental health to avoid crossing each other's path. Unless of course, you plan to stay friends for your own personal reasons - the number of years you've known each other, she's a good friend's friend, she knows someone that can help with your career, she's my only friend, etc - in which case I have only this left to say: Proceed with Caution.

In a similar vein, a blogger's materials either provoke your anger or rivet your attention, all achieved at your own volition. Despite a blogger's popularity with a certain segment of readers, you remain at best unimpressed and at worst repulsed. Perhaps, it is in its political slant that you find disagreeable, or the blogger's overt smugness that makes your skin crawl. You couldn't put your finger on it but this person just ticks you off.

All this unpleasant rubbing brings to mind this hackneyed quote: "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" which I intend to jettison for the quick and easy "Out of sight, out of mind".