Food for Tote

Is it me or has it become widely acceptable nowadays in Malaysia for men to carry women's handbag? Somehow, that didn't come out right. Let me try that again.

Has it become a social norm for Malaysian men to carry their female partner's handbag in broad daylight? Be it floral, chainlink, tote bag, sling bag, hobo, frilly, satchel-like, graphic design, branded or non-branded, I've seen men - especially the Malay variety of the age between late teens and mid-20s - happily and willingly hang on to these babies without a second thought about how silly they look.

Since coming back to Malaysia late last year, I'd noticed this alarming trend everywhere - crossing the road, traipsing the mall, coming out of the cinema, and even while dining at a mamak restaurant. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating over the last one but I bet it DOES happen in this lifetime. Probably the guy would carry the handbag when he lines up to pay the Mamak cashier.

Perhaps I wasn't too observant when I was pregnant or immediately thereafter as I was preoccupied with babycare, but I honestly think my astute hubby would have gleefully pointed it out to me if such a trend had indeed picked up back then.

Needless to say, it took me by surprise that manly men gladly carry their women's handbags in the Klang Valley. What gives? Are we going through a sexual revolution in this country that I don't know of?

And before you think I'm blowing something out of proportion, you should exercise your power of observation whenever you step into a mall, drive your car slowly over a busy pedestrian crossing or any place that is full of hormonally-charged adolescents. Follow these familiar trails and I swear you won't be disappointed. Lookie there, a man carrying a handbag!

And this is not just a straitlaced (pun intended) handbag - it exudes femininity by way of floral design, froufrou and other decorative items. So why on earth would a man sling one on his muscular shoulder? My husband won't be caught dead carrying a girly bag, unless of course I cry buckets. (Women and their tears as a secret weapon! :) )

Many theories abound, I'm sure, ranging from that the man is a cross-dresser by night to that of the girl is actually (pardon my French) a fag hag.

But seriously, what possessed these straight men to volunteer a womanly task?

Here's my take on it: by shouldering their female partner's bag, they are signalling to (interested) onlookers that this girl is mine, so hands off! Put it another way, they are showing commitment - either lasting or fleeting - to the relationship by becoming the selfless guardian of the ubiquitious bag.

Gender identity in Malaysia has certainly undergone tremendous changes in a span of one year! Granted, it has been gradually evolving under the radar before turning into a cultural phenomenon such as this one. The younger male generation seem to have no qualms lugging around their honeybunnies' bag, no matter how bad its colour or design clashes with his whole outfit. Anything for love (or is it lust?) or as the faddish saying goes "I heart you!" :P

I also wonder whether other countries experience any form of gender revival of their own - outside of the gay community that is. Have you heard of any? Pray tell. I didn't encounter any in The Netherlands, save for seeing a middle-aged man in tight racing bicycle outerwear. :)

In contrast, I find it ironic that while we're in Malaysia are making headway (and head turns) where handbag-toting is concerned, most Malaysians are still unreceptive to the idea that straight men, with the exception of professionally-trained, can cook very well! I attribute this skewed perception to the number of 'flamboyant' celebrity male chefs who grace our television programmes. Their splashy presence inadvertently perpetuates the idea that cooking is an emasculating trait. This stereotype is made worse by the prevailing Asian culture which asserts that a kitchen is exclusively a woman's domain.

Before people label me as a homophobic, let me qualify that I have nothing against these chefs and their usual antics and eccentricities. I'm sure they are great in their own right, however grating some of their 'gimmicks' can be. It is just I'd like to see a balance representation of all sort of Malaysian chefs and not just the flashy type. True, there exist 'non-flamboyant' male chefs in various sections of the F&B industry as can be readily seen on the telly assisting diva pseudo-chefs in their half-hearted attempts at cooking. Yet, their kind do not always make the cut to land either a lucrative book deal or a television show.

So why can't we have the likes of Jamie Oliver, Anthony Bourdain or, if boorish is your fancy, Gordon Ramsay on our tv? Is effeminacy an important prerequisite to a successful career for Malaysia-based celebrity chefs? As long as our generation equates males who enjoy cooking to that of sissiess, advancement in gender identity in other aspects of Malaysian life is nothing to crow about.

For the time being though, have fun sighting this new species, Man-Carrying-Girlfriend's-Handbag-Gausaurus!

Comics taken from here