Friendship Part Deux

Due to the unintended negative overtones in my previous blog, it behooves me to qualify myself over the ruminations on friendship. My musing on this subject matter is never to belittle, underestimate or desecrate the healing and appreciative powers of friendship. It was merely me thinking out loud about what brings people together as friends, what makes a person more inclined to be friends with a certain type of people and more significantly what has moved and endeared them to stay friends for such a long duration? In the end, I have to admit the sociological and psychological variables to these questions are not within my easy grasp to quantify. It is a mystery that lies within the two friends involved.

Echoing the poignant significance of long-lasting friendships, I feel it is quite appropriate to exemplify some of the wonderful relationships that I’ve forged all these years. Sort of a dedication to a life long filled with an eclectic mix of friends.

There is my friend Ina that I came to know during my pre-university years. I wouldn’t have thought I’d get along with her when I first met her in the States. She struck me as an ‘altogether’, calm and composed person, whilst I was this awkward and timid 18-year old. However, as we got better acquainted, she seemed more human – she could be rattled by certain events and emotional at other times. Her wise words, advices concerning matters of the heart, and long hours of ‘counselling’ sessions have helped to shape my opinions and restrain ‘some’ (not all) of my childish excesses. Like tried and true friendships, we did momentarily sink to a regretful trough period, from which we’ve learnt to accept each other for who we are. I’m glad to call you my close friend, with husbands and three kids between us (and one more on the way for you!).

Other friendly alliance that I had formed in the States was with Naim, a quirky kakak (or ‘older sister’) from Perak whose eccentricities and joie de vivre intrigued and inspired me. Even though she is two years older than me, I like the fact I didn’t have to call her Kakak. In fact, that would sound weird. Hehe. We were (and are) both into alternative music (grunge, etc) and like to try out new things (food, places, etc). Ups and downs in our friendship is commonplace as both of us prefer to ‘speak out our minds’ when dealing with a crisis, a confrontation or a dissatisfaction. However, those fleeting squabbles aside, we are loyal friends who enjoy each other company and share of merriment.

My friend, Khalina (a.k.a. Khelyn :) ) has been, on and off, living abroad for the past four years or so. To my delightful surprise, we are still in contact despite the distance and span of time, I also met her during my pre-college qualification program and I found her kind, free-spirited nature agreeable and appealing at the same time. Her impressive spiritual transformation during the collegiate years is also a motivation and catalyst to my own religious consciousness. To say the least, her influences help to make me grounded and stayed humble.

A very unlikely yet long-term friendship that I developed during my university days was one with an American girl named Amy. As a lonely, out-of-place, sole Malaysian freshman, I was always on my own and had to fend for myself, academically, morally and emotionally. A chance encounter in Philosophy 101 class turned into an interesting amity between us, which was further strengthened when we realized that we both were staying in the same dormitory and on the same floor! Initially, I was conscious of my ‘Malaysianized’ English accent, but her keen interest and sincerity in knowing people of other cultures and nationalities paved the way for a growing closeness. After graduation, we still keep in touch via mails, emails and a memorable short visit in summer of 2002. She is a kindred spirit with whom I am able to rant and rave, without scruple or prejudice.

Another improbable bond I’ve cultivated is with Rizby, a colleague from my stint at the bank. A greenhorn out of college, it never occurred to me that I’d be close friends with people from work. In other words, naïve little me didn’t expect to remain friends with those I see at work, even after I left my first job. A series of unexpected events and funny incidences have further cemented my friendship with Rizby. Or as he would like to say it, a turbulent friendship. Notwithstanding his flair for the dramatics, he is a trustworthy agony aunt (or uncle, if you may) as well as an engaging conversationalist.

Speaking of great conversationalists, I now come to my most important friend of all. A person who is both a great listener and a riveting speaker, whose judgment and advice I can rely on, a wonderful shoulder to cry on, supportive of my dreams and goals, whose unassuming ways put a smile on my face, with whom I share numerous tear-inducing laughs and, whose charm and affection won my heart. My husband, of course. Fast friends since we met during our pre-college course, our ‘whirlwind’ yet breezy friendship-turn-romance encompasses a decade of unforgettable and fond memories to which I am forever grateful. The path from friends to lovers was bumpy at first, but our commitment to one another (and some finetuning ;) ) honed any uneven and rough surfaces. I am glad to God he was my friend first – that way we know each other well enough to understand what makes us tick, peeve and weep.

This homage to my friends is by no means a discriminating or exhaustive list. It serves to elucidate and reminisce some of the people who befriended me throughout the years. To them and many others that I know and love, it has been an honor and a growing experience knowing you in my life. To paraphrase what Amy once said – My friends may not be many; I’d rather have few great friends than hundreds of non-committal friends. I can’t agree with her more…..