Insomnia-Induced Idle Talk

*Sleep seems to escape my subconscious for the moment. It wasn't the coffee that's the culprit - that one I know for sure. It's probably the good old-fashioned worry that, to borrow Eliza Doolittle's expression, has done me in. On the other hand, it could be nothing more than hunger pangs that contribute to this insomniac episode. I remember my stomach growling as I turned in last night.

And this morning, still tossing and turning, I feel a hollowness deep inside the pit of my stomach. I was famished. For some reason, the Domino's New York Crust Pizza wasn't able to satiate my hunger. At a hefty sum, the extraordinarily thin crust screams rip-off to me.

With drowsiness miles away from my thoughts, it's best that I use the 'free time' to update a post. This past week has seen me reevaluating some aspirations that I've set for myself. Suffice to say, I have to be more pro-active in order to achieve them.

In the course of my 30-odd life, I have always been the over-analytical yet enthusiastic person. However, the eager beaver in me will slowly fizzle out at the strongest hint of betrayal or undue criticism. While I consider myself cautious when it comes to making new friends, I always have my gut instinct to round up the assessment. On the short-lived corporate front, I would rather have a clearly defined role at the workplace as opposed to become a master of all trades without any acknowledgment forthcoming from an aloof supervisor.

Becoming a full-time mother ever since I quitted my job in corporate affairs, I must say that motherhood has its own unique set of challenges. I was most fortunate to be able to make that transition with the help of an understanding and ever 'hands-on' partner who, I might add, was on a one-year sabbatical from work. (We were in the Netherlands for one year for hubby's Masters programme)

Though I contemplated coming back to work after we arrived home last year, the opportunity has yet to present itself insofar as I'd be able to leave Sadia in good, capable hands. My two-and-half year-old daughter is such a finicky eater that at times I am at wits' end trying to make her eat. Therein also lies one of my 'pro-active' pursuits. I have made an eating timetable that I hope to adhere to from now. And of course, there is the problem of weaning off that I have yet to decide on. Some people say that she'd eat more properly and heartily if I totally wean her off. All I can say is it's easier said than done.

Having a kid surely change one's world and not to mention one's mobility as far as nursing is concerned. But hey, who's complaining! Here's the lowdown on what it means to raise a baby/toddler without the help of a maid:

1. As parents, you can no longer afford to eat at a leisurely pace. Either you eat as fast as humanly possible or you chow down when the baby is asleep. In the case of Sadia, it doesn't help that her napping pattern has been haphazard at best. Else, an alternative is to take turns eating as one of you attends to the toddler's whims and fancies.


2. Stepping into a cinema is akin to a death wish when you are totting around an irascible tyke. Unless you book a whole auditorium to yourself to let the bambino run across the aisles, there is no conceivable way you are able to enjoy the silver screen with a screaming toddler on your face. The temporary solution for now is to heavily rely on DVDs - bootlegged or otherwise - as a form of escapism.


3. Toddler activities take precedence whenever you step out of the house. When you're on a shopping jaunt to a mall, always make sure the place has a decent toy store for the kid to let off steam. If you are out of reach of one AND an outdoor playground, please do not hesitate to use one of those coin-operated kiddy rides to get a moment of peace. Now you can relate to those parents who utilise these contraptions like crazy, unlike before when you look upon them with disdain for being so uncreative in entertaining their children. You know better now...


4. The television falls prey to a voracious tiny viewer who dictates which channels the parents would be able to watch. In this household, for instance, the default channel is PlayhouseDisney. Any attempt to change to another channel will be met with deafening shrieks that are out of this world.


5. However, fear not for sleep is the least of your concerns as you can catch up with your sleep either when the tot naps or by going back to bed after the other half leaves for work :) (Outside of your insomniac episodes, that is). Your partner, in turn, can replace his sleeping hours after coming back from work as long as the bambino is still napping. It's, more often than not, a win-win situation.

To say that your life changes once a baby enters the picture is in itself an understatement. He or she will demand your constant attention and reassurance when he or she goes through different stages of growth and development. Your old routine will be irretrievably gone, if not take a backseat to more pressing matters concerning your baby. Get used to it. Come to terms with it.

And most importantly, embrace it like you would cuddle your precious bundle of joy as if your life depends on it.


*Started writing on Saturday morning.

Kuching in a daze

The gossamer curtain billows suggestively under the spell of an afternoon breeze. Its undulating waves match the slow-paced existence of this peaceful household. Outside, on a neighbour's spacious backyard, countless lalangs with their white flowers sprouting out rustle in the wind. Despite the negative press that lalang often gets, this 'sea of white' appeals to my aesthetic. Save for the sound of television, there is nary a voice rising above others, nor will there be a need to. In this quiet, idyllic setting, my frayed mind is instantly cajoled to join the rest in collective harmony.

For a short while, there won't be any worry about the perpetually broken down elevator, the drunken African expat, the crazy motorists on the roads or the ruthless taxi drivers.

Everything appears to move slower in this lovely, quaint place. Truly a holistic approach to life that many a weary urbanite, like myself, have sought after. Thus, heed my advice: to recharge your battery, find a temporary pastoral residence, complete with the night orchestra of crickets, birds and frogs, the fresh village air to salve the troubled soul, and a group of non-combative, relaxed individuals to restore your faith in people.

This leafy Kampung (Village), by the fringes of Sarawak river, has the inexplicable magic touch that always have me hankering for more. Welcome home Tita. Glad you're back.

------------------------------------

And now, on a sappy front :

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Don’t you worry
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I’ve found you
There’s no more emptiness inside
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

I was standing
All alone against the worlk outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

(From Eagles album's Hell Freezes Over)

Happy Anniversary my dear husband. We were married on the 14th of Syawal 1425 and as wont, will celebrate the day as mutually agreed.

Thank you for your kindness, patience, guidance, hope, perseverance and most importantly, unconditional love. While I concede to moments of relapse, at times wallow in my own weaknesses or succumb to imagined shortcomings, I am most blessed having you in my life. May Allah strengthen our marital bond and bestow us with His bountiful barakah, insyaAllah.

During the 'Makan Temuan' ritual for Kuching wedding ceremony

The Raya that was : The Long Version

It's now one week after the first day of Eid.

Somehow Raya this year turned out to be more low-key than expected. On hindsight, I should have expected it, what with the series of events that led to Eid.

We went to my parents' house on Raya eve bearing the customary Satay to be eaten for iftar and the ensuing Raya. My eldest and younger sisters and their respective families were around, helping out with last-minute chores like wiping down the long-forgotten corner table and filling up the containers with Kueh Raya ((Raya cookies). My twin sister's family had left for Johor Bahru earlier that morning to spend Raya with the MIL's clan.

After my younger sister's family left to clean their house, we went to Ikano to get some essential rations (read: her preferred carton of fresh milk) for Sadia. Sadia was bawling her eyes out when we told her that we're going out for a bit as she had thought we were leaving for good. Only when we said that Elisa - her favourite 5-year-old cousin - was tagging along that she miraculously calmed down.

Once there, we indulged in some ice-creams from New Zealand Natural before heading back to KD. Oh yeah, I had forgotten to mention that my dad and my brother were not around for iftar as they were invited for the traditional house-to-house takbeer that took place in our old neighbourhood of Shah Alam. Every year without fail, the Shah Alam folks would call my father to join them even though we had long left the community.

Following iftar however, I experienced a splitting headache that crescendoed when we turned in for the night. I couldn't fall asleep until almost 3 a.m. A succession of 'incidents' worked against my favour as I tossed and turned in bed. First, I tried in vain looking for some panadols downstairs in the dead of night and out of desperation, settled for a generic, unknown brand with the word 'Paracetamol' imprinted on the pills. Then, it started pouring outside as I was about to doze off and caused a leak in the roof that rapidly dripped into a ready bucket. The tap-tap-tap sound was enough to remove any desire to sleep. When I couldn't take it any longer, I took a thick towel and stashed it deep into the bucket. It provided a welcome cushion to the grating noise. When I thought that was the last of my trouble, someone's car alarm went off for the longest time. As I covered my left ear with the pillow, thoughts of Murphy's Law crossed my mind and I chuckled inside. Lethargy finally overtook me amid the din of the night.

The morning after my husband came back from the TTDI masjeed for Eid prayers, we both helped get a sleepy-eyed Sadia ready. With the rain last night, the house's solar panel was not running at its optimum which caused me and Sadia to shower in relatively cold water. Sadia sure got a rude awakening, so to speak, but she was surprisingly cooperative when we donned her in baju kurung and fine jewellery.

My eldest sister later knocked on the bedroom door, telling me that she and her family were going to leave for Kampung Bharu. So soon? I said. She wanted to see my other aunties and uncles before they disappeared for other houses. Where were my parents in the midst of the first Raya, you ask? Since it was a Wednesday, my mom was doing her morning dialysis in Subang Jaya whilst my father had purportedly gone for an SUK Raya event in Shah Alam. My brother also opted for a dialysis session on Wednesday (his usual would be Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday) so he'd have a hassle-free second day of Raya convoying with the maternal clan. My younger sis et al were in Rawang celebrating the first day of Raya with her SIL (who's in confinement) and the rest of the in-laws.

Turned out, Mama also had trouble sleeping due to a pounding headache and woke up later than usual to go to the hospital. Another reason Kak Long, my eldest came to my room, was to ask me to send the Raya goodies - ketupat, rendang and whatnot - to the hospital for my mom's nurses. For many years now my mother would bring traditional Raya dishes for the Muslim nurses on duty at her dialysis centre. Since they are accustomed to my mom's tradition, they look forward to it every Raya.

How ironic that when we put a night in KD to spend Raya with my family, no one was physically around. With just us in the big house, we decided to take our time eating the Raya food and snapping the compulsory Raya photos for posterity before dropping the food off at the hospital. My mother's session would end around noon anyway. Half past noon we were at SJMC and my mother and I went up to pass the goodies. With her eyes downcast, the nurse at the reception pouted and said in a low tone "Dah lama tunggu" (Waited for a long time). It must be pretty hard for them who had to work during Raya. Mama informed me that out of the eight Malay nurses, only two were allowed to take leave.

My mom went back home with my dad to rest and change into her Raya clothes, whereas we took off for Kampung Bharu. Excluding my grandma, only the families of one aunt and one uncle were at hand to entertain the guests. After the usual round of eating, salam and bestowing money to the little and not-so-little ones, we sprawled en masse in front of the telly joining the other early birds.

Since the next house to visit in Kampung Pandan was scheduled after Asr prayers, we went off to KLCC to run some errand and sat in (where else!) SanFran for a cold one. The time was apropos as Sadia was napping in her buggy. It was a scorching hot day and KLCC was teeming with people, primarily non-Malays and foreign Muslim workers from Bangladesh and Indonesia.

The Assam Laksa at my auntie's place in Kampung Pandan was a nice departure from the predictable Raya fare. Sadia had woken up at this time, flat out (read: cranky) from the day's hustle and bustle. As such, we decided to skip the last house in Kajang and took things easy for Sadia's sake.

-------------------
Second day of Raya is all about visiting the side of my late (maternal) grandfather's family. We were due at the Kampung Subang's house by mid-morning but alas we couldn't make it in time. Instead, we drove straight to Kuala Selangor to meet the rest of the maternal relatives for a lunch date at the house of my mom's cousin. After performing Zuhr prayers, we left for another relative's house, off Kuala Selangor - somewhere in Sungai (or Bukit) Belimbing - which boasts a swimming pool. The pool had finally completed after being in a state of limbo for two consecutive Rayas. Sadia, like a fish to water, wanted to dip in but without proper adult supervision (and swimming suit) was somewhat contented with splashing around. As wont, this house served its signature piping hot pisang goreng (fried banana) dipped in ground gula melaka (palm sugar). Yum.

Sadia's mood dove after this house, more so after she found out Elisa's car was going in the opposite direction of hers (my eldest sis and family were off to her in-laws in Sabak Bernam). We got lost for close to an hour, going to the next house located in Kapar. Luckily Sadia got to sleep during this time. By the time we arrived, most of my relatives had already left for the next house and Sadia had also stirred from her sleep. She was hungry and cranky. Not a good combo.

We then agreed to skip the last two houses since Sadia had not eaten properly and told my mom that we would see them back at the KD house for the night do. However, we found out that the relatives' gathering at my parents' was cancelled due to the lack of quorum. So we stayed in Ikano to feed Sadia and went home thereafter.

The third day we were off for a vacation that had long been planned and repeatedly postponed due to my husband's mounting workload. The holiday proved to be the breather that we've been looking for. But that's another story.

On the Raya front, we will be leaving for Kuching this Friday. It will be a short visit as hubby is needed back at work pronto. It's either we go back this Friday or later during Deepavali which would fall on October 27th. That'd be too late especially for my mother-in-law who yearns to see her youngest grandchild.

Until I have some air to exhale, wish us a safe and great trip back home. And do enjoy the remainder of your Eid.