The unflappable air he exudes is one of the traits that draws her to him in the first place. She is after all borderline neurotic, with the tendency to yak away whenever she is either nervous or under scrutiny. Without a doubt, the Yin and Yang concepts are best exemplified in their relationship. Yet, undergirding these differences is something more fundamental - the similarity in their values, interests and aspirations.
She detests any forms of lying, be it lying by omission, lying through your teeth, white lies, or through the medium of tall tales. In spite of this brazen proclamation, she wonders whether borrowing her sister's clothes for a job interview without her prior knowledge will fall under one of such categories. Is she a pot calling the kettle black?
Does her constant use of the exclamation marks reflect a highstrung personality? Or is she being over-analytical as wont?
I am sure any avid reader would have noticed that works of fiction generally employ either first-person ('I') or third-person ('She' or 'He') as the pronoun for their protagonist. My mother was the one who reminded me of this distinction when she confided that she likes novels written with 'I' as the protagonist. She reasoned that the usage of first-person detracts from any confusion in who's who as the plot thickens.
This preference came to my mind when I recently read this New York Times article. Revolving on behavioral science, it explains how the chosen theme of a person's life story can decode his personality.
I was intrigued by the research's findings which contend, among others, that the way a person narrates his life story is highly correlated to what is going on in his lives. In other words, our linguistic approach, descriptions employed and nuances executed in telling these stories are indicative of the course of our behaviour in every single situation, and frame not only how we see the past but how we see ourselves in the future. Interviews with a cross-section of men and women over 30s provide evidence to the above conclusion.
Those with mood problems have many good memories, but these scenes are usually tainted by some dark detail....By contrast, so-called generative adults — those who score highly on tests measuring civic-mindedness, and who are likely to be energetic and involved — tend to see many of the events in their life in the reverse order, as linked by themes of redemption.
Similarly, those who view their life stories as redemptive or epiphanic are more likely to recover from their psychological problem, as echoed by a study conducted on 'talk therapy':
...those former patients who scored highest on measures of well-being — who had recovered, by standard measures — told very similar tales about their experiences....They described their problem, whether depression or an eating disorder, as coming on suddenly, as if out of nowhere. They characterized their difficulty as if it were an outside enemy, often giving it a name (the black dog, the walk of shame). And eventually they conquered it.
Their perception differs from those who scored lower on measures of psychological well-being, borne out of the belief that their problems are deeply rooted in their psyche, as opposed to it being embodied as an outside entity - an archenemy - to be subdued.
Here is where the findings get more interesting. Another study points to two distinctive outcomes when individuals narrate their life story - in this case, a painful memory - either in the first-person or third-person. The results show that those who chose to remember the past in the 'third person' are less likely to be hostile or upset in the process.
The emotional content of the memory is still felt...but its sting is blunted as the brain frames its meaning, as it builds the story.
As a result, those who keep a distance from their problematic past through 'third-party scenes' are more sociable, resting on the view that they have since changed their colours and moved on to 'a better place'.
...The third-person perspective allowed people to reflect on the meaning of their social miscues, the authors suggest, and thus to perceive more psychological growth.
I am sure all these are quite serious and humdrum to some folks but its ramifications on the writing front are enormous. When a person chooses to put pen to paper about his personal life, he must bear in mind that the tone and approach of his writing is the summation of his current station in as well as outlook on life, underpinned by a series of momentous events that continually shape his narrative.
The way people replay and recast memories, day by day, deepens and reshapes their larger life story. And as it evolves, that larger story in turn colors the interpretation of the scenes.
Unbeknownst to us, our personal writings such as the ones found in blogging are susceptible to being dissected and pigeonholed into certain personality-related categories. It also throws light on why the underlying theme of some blogs - triumphant, maternalism, ruminative, nationalism, affirmation, to name a few - are preferred by a certain segment of readers but not others.
Also, the dichotomy existed between first-person and third-person narrative is crucial for curing those wrestling with their own hang-ups, phobias, irrational fears and the like. Possibly, a distressed person could put the above therapy into good use and start blogging in the third-person? However, I find that this is at best far-fetched and at worst loopy. And yet after I wrote those three 'third-person' monologues at the start of this entry, an overwhelming sense of relief took over me. My mood turned contemplative.
"...this shift in perspective, having this distance from yourself, allows you to relive the experience and focus on why you’re feeling upset," instead of being immersed in it...
So as long as it works, why not give it a try, in blogging, no less?
This third-person business also reminds me of all the tailors (or should I say, couteriers?) with whom I had the pleasure to engage with as a client. Amusingly, all have the propensity to converse in the third-person!
"Rizal rasa lebih baik letak banyak manik dekat bodice," (Rizal thinks it's better to put more beads on the bodice);
"Amir suggest you buat pleating, SO VERY THE," (Amir suggests that you do the pleating. It's fabulous);
"Alice letak lining nanti tak jarang" (Alice sewed a lining so it won't be transparent)
I gather this strange manner of speaking MUST be the secret to their long-term success, allowing them to take a step back and look at the design vis-à-vis the client objectively.
On a more serious and personal note, writing is both a cathartic and aesthetic process. Through it, I am able to voice my opinions, etch riveting scenes and purge all undue emotional baggages.
So write to your heart's content and let your personality shine through!
