The (Quiet) American Experience

I was sitting in San Francisco café in KLCC with my baby girl last week, waiting for my husband to finish work, when two Caucasian guys grabbed my attention. They were dressed in t-shirts and shorts, either khaki or jeans variety, and sometimes with a non-descript cap on their head. It was not their dressing style that captured my interest, nor were they particularly good looking. One of the guys was putting his coffee mug and plate on the tray from whence it came from and was about to clear the tray away. But he stopped in his tracks, looked at other patrons and thereafter asked the SF staff nearby cleaning the tables, where he should dispose of the tray and its contents. The staff took it from him since it was her job to do so.

I was amused by the rather mundane action since it was so American to do that – clearing the tray! Their way of dressing – shorts and t-shirts – made me initially suspect they were Americans but it was confirmed when he wanted to clean up his tray. Hehe. And of course the crew cut hair was a dead giveaway that the American sailors had docked onto our shores again.

Yes, perennially, sailors of different nationalities made their way to one of our ports – Klang or Penang – for a short visit into town to indulge in some shopping and entertainment. The American variety is easily spotted due to their distinctive accent, and bulky, physical appearance. Also, having a college friend, Jack (a nickname for John) who serves (or had served – I don’t know if he had quit) the US Navy and came twice to Malaysia also corroborated my story.

That day seeing an influx of American sailors roaming about KLCC alongside Arab holidaymakers is an irony in itself. Amidst the current Middle-east crisis plaguing the ill-fated Lebanese people, I observed the whole mall scenario with much incredulity.

Tidying up your own tray is one element of the American culture that has been deeply ingrained into my mind when an American friend, Jackson berated me for failing to be ever so civic-conscious. I still remember where it was – at a small airport somewhere in New Jersey where I was going to depart for a flight to South Bend – my alma mater. We - Amy, he and I – were eating at a mini food court there. After eating, I just let my tray sat there on the table much to the aghast of my American buddies. Double Hehe.

My American education has given me, amongst others, a refreshing perspective on life and a more progressive worldview. Being geographically held captive in a conservative Mid-western, small town setting in near tundra weather must be just the impetus I needed back then to turn reflective and more matured. There are, as always, setbacks and disappointments to being a foreigner in an American college. When times were bad I even wondered if perhaps I’d chosen the wrong college to go to. The students were, from my experience, myopic in their worldview in the sense that they only see America as the ‘World.’ There is a bigger world out there but they choose not to listen to other nations’ plight or plea for help. Only when they have vested interest or heavy investments in certain areas of the world would they come to the rescue. The Iraq case is a prime example. And conversely, why Lebanon is not uppermost in their mind.

I think this shallow and insular mindset might have a hand in making President Bush win the presidential election the second time around. A majority of people can be ignorant to the facts and believe whatever half-truths being fed to them. This is quite funny coming from a country that practices free speech and freedom of the press but the citizens fail to fully utilize their advantageous position to ferret the real stories.

I do have to admit that some more rounded individuals did stand out and embrace the diversity of other cultures and religions. But most of them would rather spend time with people like them (code word for White) or couldn’t care less to make the effort. Probably, they were being xenophobic at best, or racist at worst.

On the flip side however, I concede that I too have reservation and quite wary opening up to some Americans. At times, I contributed it to my shyness and lack of self-esteem. But mostly, my own preconceived notions and prejudice (coupled with some bad experience) backfired some possibilities of making quick friends.

I wasn’t there to make quick friends anyway. My main purpose was to study but along the way I did develop long-term meaningful friendships with people of different nationalities. Speaking of making friends, another aspect of American culture that fascinates me is the manner in which one greets another when bumping into each other on the streets.

I was walking one day somewhere on campus and someone whom I know from the dormitory hollered from the opposite direction and asked how I was doing. Of course I had thought the person genuinely wanted to know and stop to talk to me. But before I could form a complete sentence, the person had already continued walking away. That was odd. Why asked me what’s going down when you don’t really want to chat? Perhaps in my culture when someone asked you that you would be more than inclined to confabulate the nitty-gritty details of your day or week. Probably the act of just saying “Hi” is considered rude and should be accompanied with “How are you?” or “How are you doing” but one is NEVER required to stop in one’s tracks to take these gestures of nicety seriously.

Maybe a different code word exists if you are close with someone. I think so that is the case. Those kinds of Hi-and-Bye encounters are usually reserved for either those you are not close to or those whom you’ve just got acquainted with.

To sum it up, living in the U.S. for almost 5 years has taught me a great deal about independence, maturity, discipline, self-worth, value of friendships and faith and most importantly, finding and standing by your principles. It has its ups and downs – what would life be without them? – but it’s how you handle them that counts. In the words of Dory of Finding Nemo fame, “You Just Have to Keep On Swimming……”