Soulmate Revisited

It’s our anniversary, as Phoebe Buffay (Hannigan) exclaimed on the final season of Friends when she's all decked out to go to the Knicks game.

Monday marks exactly two years of wedded bliss for me and my husband. In the rainy and chilly climate of Delft, not to mention a high cost of living in Europe, we can be expected to spend ours indoors in the warmth of our apartment and the equally congenial presence of Sadia.

In retrospect, I can hardly believe it has been ONLY two years. It feels, as if, we are already married for five or at most seven years! Okay maybe I am exaggerating on the seven years but I do feel old from the events of the past year.

I largely contribute this indistinct feeling of aging to the birth of my firstborn early this year, which has swiftly relegated me to motherhood and its accompanying obligations. I have to confess I did experience - after the euphoric high of childbirth - some sort of baby blues during the first few weeks following Sadia’s birth.

I was engulfed with the sudden solitary confinement of the physical and emotional kind owing to the presence of a new person in my life. In the back of my mind, I missed the carefree days of traipsing inside malls and lounging at cafes with my husband, never to worry about the welfare of a third person. But when I look at little clueless and forlorn Sadia, I snapped out of my reverie and realized how selfish, insensitive and most of all, immature I could be.

I hope having a baby will make you grow up, Mama said to me once or twice whenever I started yammering about inconsequential or trivial issues that bogged me down. How those words reverberated in my ears every now and then as I tend to Sadia and look at how she has grown over these nine lonngggg months. Of course, like a full-bred mother, she is right. I have taken some personal interests to the backseat, whilst others have to wait until she can walk and talk!

Perhaps I am inflexible (or uptight) when it comes to raising a baby – forgoing some activities (like the movies!) just so that Sadia is contented to have me (and us) at her side, most of the times. However, as a new mother, it is better to be safe than sorry. I still recall the time when I left her in the care of my mother and her maid so as to get a haircut with my twin sister. Disastrous consequences!

While I reflect on this epiphany, I must also acknowledge that my relationship with the hubby has transformed tremendously on several different levels. Some good, some bad. That is inevitable in any ‘dynamic’ and healthy relationships, I gather. We have mutually agreed the kinks that need to be ironed out and tinkered on ideas to ’enhance’ our coupledom.

Another reason which gives the impression that we seem married for longer than two years has to do with our even longer pseudo-friendship during which time we have practically known each other fancies and foibles. Then onwards, after declaring our love, the process of rehashing our attitudes continued, much advantageously if I’d say so myself. :-)

Since having a baby, one interesting aspect of our relationship that underwent change is the widening vocabulary for terms of endearment. Like other married Malay couples I have the privilege of observing, we at times unabashedly call one another Mama and Ayah, asides from the usual spouse-specific affectionate nouns.

My husband supported this practice by arguing that it is outright endearing and symbolizes the appreciation of the wife’s new role as a mother. I begged to differ, pointing out that calling the wife Mama/Mak/Ibu/Umi signifies the end of romantic intimacy and simultaneously pushing the mother role to the forefront, at the expense of the husband-and-wife bond. Perhaps I over-analyze this name usage. Perhaps it’s just for practicality sake. Oh well. Maybe a cigar is just a cigar.

The second anniversary will assuredly be etched into my memory as the year we are outside of Malaysia. The year we had a kid. The teething year, if you please. Like the actual process, you feel uneasy when the tooth begin cutting its way to the surface but you are comforted by the very fact that the means justify the ends (first real tooth). In our case, the obstacles validate and reinforce our unflinching commitment to this beautiful union. Happy Anniversary, YANG! (Hehe)